Dirty, he felt dirty when he sat down at work. All those eyes were judging him. Those eyes, whether he saw them or not, were tearing him down with burgeoning piece of wispy hearsay. His affair with the recently fired receptionist, the one with the fetching blue eyes, was popular water-cooler gossip. The two were caught in a supply room, after hours, by an eighty year old custodian named Art. Art, who, in his younger days, had similar indiscretions, thoroughly sympathized with their predicament and promised to keep their secret on one condition: he got to watch. He escorted Art outside and left the door open a crack, enough for a curious prying eye to catch a glimpse. The two were utterly absorbed with the task they shared, so much so that they were oblivious to the sound of Art collapsing - dead, and lecherous grin frozen for all time.

inept gratification

[...]

His eyes became fixated on the snowy landscape, passed and forgotten by the bus. He let out a sigh and looked down at his blank notebook. He scribbled the following:

"inept gratification...ceaseless desiring...the end, the end, the end?"

The sheet was crumpled, torn up, and deposited into the 'trash' compartment of his bag. He turned to the snowy July landscape, his head heavy with nostalgia. He remembered taking in the crisp cold air into his lungs. He remembered the acrid scent of snow brewing in the clouds above. The autumn palette of infinite shades of red and brown soon would be overwhelmed by the multitudinous luminosity of snow - which left nothing untouched.

Snow in July was an inept gratification, a cheap substitute, and untimely, albeit cleverly crafted, insult to persistent, slowly fading, memories. Soon, even the remembrances would pass and be forgotten - as obsolescent as the world that inspired them.

He looked at his watch again to check on its condition. It read: 7:45AM. It was accurate. The bus approached the terminal in front of the building where he worked. The bus ran like clockwork as usual. He left the terminal at 7:47AM and the conveyor floor moved him towards the office, arriving at 7:53AM - on time, always on time.

Quarter past seven

Sunrise,

infinite sadness awakened him.

He glared at the alarm. It failed to go off, again.

Evolved,

humanity evolved involved three strips of bacon, egg whites, instant oatmeal, and a cup of generic coffee. Humanity devolved, well, was all over the morning paper's front page.

"Work,

you work to get paid,

get paid to get laid" -

He silently recited his mantra in front of the mirror while brushing his teeth. He grabbed at the floss to finish, but, oddly, there was no more. Since he had never flossed until then, its absence struck him as odd. He reached for the mouthwash - it would make due.

Getting dressed, getting ready, he checked his timepiece - quarter past seven; the bus would arrive in seven minutes. He rechecked his lunch, deemed it to be rather scarce and dropped an apple into the nylon bag. Satisfied with his planned midday nutritional intake, he headed for the bus stop and checked his watch - a force of habit. It read: quarter past seven. He panicked. Did it malfunction??? Did he miss his bus??? More importantly, was he going to be late??? He paced frantically, until he saw an elderly lady walk towards the stop.

"Hello madam, would you happen to have the time?"

"Quarter past seven," she replied, showing him the face of her wristwatch.

[...]

Control...

Control, concentration, calm, care;

Get control...concentrate, old friend...sputter away with courage...let the stream carry you to oblivion, concentrate with concern...control is futile, fortuna has your balls in a vice....stream to oblivion...sweet sexy stream of oblivion....without care to soothe, where mice moo, and cows gnaws on giant blocks of gouda - SACRILEGE!

Control...control control...concentrate on careful concentrations...dig in, set up, its a long way til the bottom, babe....careful, careful, now calmly, slip out of it, slink them to your heels, there you go, careful, careful, caress - concentrate, concentrate, concentrate....CONCENTRATE!

Care, with crack. Care with cruelty - cruel, criminal, care. Meticulous, inexorably so. The tiniest fleck opens a conscious stream into nullitude. Cruel, cruel, care...

Calm....calm....calm....control is gone....calm, cool cowering calm, croons a diddy - "CONCENTRATE! CONCENTRATE! CONCENTRATE!"

Concentrate, old friend; concentrate.