Friday, December 18, 2009

A particular terror shadows my every heartbeat. Its a singular terror - a dread about losing something that is already gone.

C. or K. However it begins...my true beloved. I stand, immobile, paralyzed, crippled and overwhelmed, fixated on that expired moment of bliss, that first instant our eyes met. Oh, my love, that first glance has since inspired in me unparalled joy and insoluble melancholy.

The joy and tragedy of human existence is revealed by our ability to feel things intensely. All of this sturm and drang or ebb and flow has revealed this one undeniable truth - I love you with all my heart and soul.

I awoke this night, interrupted by the vivid image of most beautiful and luminscent blue eyes. I thought of you. That terror rushed through me. What if...what if that's it...what if that's all I am left with...a recollection...a faded dream...and exile, forevermore. This is the terror that woke me this night. This terror, pumped from a broken heart, shall course through my veins for the rest of my days.

And if I never will again be touched by your presence. I know now, even if it is far too late, that I can feel this deeply, love this intensely, and not be left ruined by desire. I know now that one can love and be utterly stricken by terror.