Friday, February 26, 1999

The demonic fruit

- Are you ready?

Yeah, I am.

- Have you prepared a few words for us?

Nope, but I’m ready.

- Well, the stage is yours.

Thank you.

I am here, but not for long. I have much to say, but will tell you nothing at all. I will tell you what you want to hear, feed your illusions, and affirm your preconceptions. I will stroke your egos and add to their massive largesse. But I will tell you nothing at all – nothing that you don’t already know. When life becomes futile and passionless, nothing is all that I can tell you. A loveless existence is interminable. Honestly, I have nothing to tell you really.

But this is my time. This is my stage. This is my opportunity to peddle trite facility as truth - to a group that sees through my duplicity. Here I stand here today not a good man or a bad man, whatever good and bad means. So what do you want to know?

- What’s your favorite food?

Why?

- Because that question that tells a lot about a person.

Oh really? Well all right.

I really liked hot dogs.

- That’s not food.

What do you mean?

- It’s not a type of food.

Well what the bloody hell have I been shoving down my gullet all those years?

- We cannot disclose that, but we can safely assure you that hot dogs are not food.

Okay, I don’t want to know.

- Was there any other food that you had a special affinity for?

Yeah, I enjoyed bananas.

- The demonic fruit?

The what what?

The demonic fruit!

I don’t understand how bananas are demonic. I mean they were tasty and a versatile fruit.

You can eat them, fry them, make banana splits and blend them into smoothies and shakes.

- Yes, all of that is true, but that does not make them any less demonic.

Okay, I love the demonic fruit then, next?

- Please don’t address us with that tone.

Hey, is a tomato a vegetable or a fruit?

- We are the ones posing the questions, not you.

I thought this could be a dialogue, an exchange of information and all that.

- We know all.

Good, so fruit or vegetable?

- A tomato is a tomato.

That’s some profound shit.

- Please refrain from using that language.

You know all, right?

- Yes.

So don’t prude up like you never knew about that little word.

- Please change your tone of voice.

All right, I suppose I’m disclosing too much, go on…what else do you want to know?

- What is love?

Okay, so we go from hot dogs to bananas to tomatoes to love? I have eaten the first three, but the last one ate me.